You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
