do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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