Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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