This girl is more easily done than said...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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