You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
