If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The adults are the big ones right?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
