so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
