if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
