I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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