So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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