shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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