i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
