Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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