And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
