all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize