What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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