sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
