my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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