Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
