that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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