yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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