i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize