her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
