Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
