You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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