hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
