the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
