You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
