last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
