im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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