Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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