Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
