I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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