I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
