just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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