Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
