I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I fill condoms, not promises.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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