Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
