I wish I could teleport
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
