I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
