operation harelip BJ is a go
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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