Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
