i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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