He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
