I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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