i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
