im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize