alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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