Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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