I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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