Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
