I'm so fucking centered right now
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
