even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
