The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
