I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
