So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My penis needs a shock collar
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
