totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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