I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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