i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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