Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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