I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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