I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You pole danced in your parka.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
