Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
