why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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