Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
