I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
