I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
