i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
