I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
