I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
