I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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