I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
