After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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